Every Day’s Just Like Tomorrow

Today it’s Tuesday but it feels like Wednesday, each day I go through my normal routine. My alarm goes off, 22 minutes later I literally roll out of bed, land on the floor next to my bed. After the initial fall I’m shocked to awareness realizing I’m going to be late and must get up and get going off to school. I eat; I dress, and slink off to my vehicle to start my long tiresome day. I must get to school at 8am to speak with my professor, it’s just not possible it’s already 8:37am by the time I get to school she will already have left to go to teach her class. I’m here 8:48am she’s gone, so left with no other source for help I sit and slip deep into thought, not know what the rest of my day will hold. I do have that odd feeling like tomorrow will be the same as today. Time passes now I have computer class; it doesn’t matter if I’m late ‘cause I get the material. So I head over to the lunch area to get a sandwich but then I realize I don’t have any money, I could always bum quarters off people until I have enough for some food, but no I don’t need to eat, starving will work just fine for me. I’ve been starved in my life before not really food wise but, friend-wise, soul-wise, smart-wise, love-wise actually my heart’s been shattered due to a lost love, well a rejected love, it just couldn’t work between her and I. Her disease would cause our relationship to rise and fall day to day her moods don’t stay in check they flare-up. Which has caused my heart to be torn in two on those days when she really loves me only to change to those days were she hates me, screams at the top of her lungs and tells me what a mistake it was for her to get involved with me. I loved her so much, I’d die for her, but I was dying each day I was with her. It was so hard for me to leave when I did, like I said I loved her with the full extent of my being. But her disease was just viciously tearing me up inside, not physically, but emotionally it was so bad. But my love was so strong, I thought that the four year bond we had in high school was enough to keep us together, when the pain is right there and there’s no escaping it, it proves that not even a 7 year bond could withstand that abuse let alone 4 years. A little part of me died that day I painstakingly cut myself off from her, but it had to be done, that saying, ‘it’s better to have loved and lost then to have ever loved at all’ is false at least it is in my eyes. The pain brought on after the break up for me was just unbearable, I would have faired better if I hadn’t of been born, then to deal with being separated from the love of my life. My days are now tiresome without meaning, these days I just linger though life, she is constantly on my mind, but in her mind I don’t know if she has even thought about me. My days continue on, but it seems like every other day after today will just be the same as today the future is told to me, the future holds the absence of my love, we both had disabilities but her’s was just to much for me to bare. So I continue on down this road that doesn’t cease, that just leads me further away from her, she’s far behind but I’m still here but all hope has died away from me…
…Every Day’s Just Like Tomorrow.
-R.M.G.